Musicheads

2006-05-01T05:59:00.000-07:00

Long weekends rule!!
have not done much this week tho i met up with a few friends to study stats. my goodness, my maths sure sucked big time.
A big thank you to JY. i really appreciate all that you have done for me and for yr support. i owe you one big time.
ok, gotta pack my stuff before booking in. Cya all guys during next book out.

2006-04-23T03:58:00.000-07:00

the monotony of it all.

2006-04-02T04:58:00.000-07:00

Another month has passed and just what have i achieved? oh well. life's gonna be the same for 2 whole freaking years. For all guys out there who are serving.. do remember to read hell lots to keep yr mind active. Also, try to learn something or yr 2 years will be wasted. As for me, will be doing Alevels as private candidate(more or less confirmed). touchwood but if i fail it this year, will simply switch to learning a foreign language next year. See.. so hardworking right? *stop acting cute u bitch*.... /me slaps sigmund with a big large trout.

post

2006-03-26T02:06:00.000-08:00

been ages since my last post. oh well.. i decided to retake the A's as private candidate. heavens knows i need better grades. as a btw thing decided to apply for NTU and NUS's faculty arts and social science. if i do get in, i'll laugh my ass off man.

Some random thoughts.

2006-02-12T04:20:00.000-08:00

Was browsing through my wardrode and promptly decided that i will no longer wear abt 40% of the stuff i have in there. I need new clothes. ha. and try budgeting for that with a 'pay' of only 350 a month. freaking poor me.

entries

2006-02-05T02:06:00.000-08:00

noticed this not too long ago- i have been talking(or writing) about the army since i enlisted. oh well, i guess army is just a massive part of our lives for we NS men and is the only thing that occupies us.
anyway, although i am a stay-in armskote man i still have some time to spare after office hours or handing over the armskote to BDO. unfortunately, it will not be possible for me to re-do my A's; there is just not enough time. As a result i will have to be content with second best. do my own reading on the industries i wish to enter eventually when i complete my tertiary education.

there is no point in wasting another 2 years of my life doing nothing. got to upgrade my mind.

2006-01-31T01:37:00.000-08:00

A very happy lunar new year to one and all!!

well.. been overworked recently at keat hong camp. armskote man lah, storeman lah, clerk lah. hai.. looks like its gonna be a long two years. keeping my fingers crossed over my posting and PES status.

2006-01-09T23:57:00.000-08:00

how time flies. haha. wish could go back into the future and meet the jc1 me. i would tell myself. wake up your fucking idea. school is really the best thing one can have. serious. i would have done all my tutorials, attended chem and math lectures. phy well... their lessons are useless. have to count on oneself. Study hard fellas. after the army that is.

2006-01-08T06:34:00.000-08:00

training now has been damn slack. well that's because i OOT. for those who don't know, i went to see a specialist last week to get an MRI done in a bid to find the root of my long standing back problems. had to see a private spec tho as the appointment the MO made for me is on 23rd Feb. hell i cant wait that long.
so, i went to this Dr Ong at Mount Elizabeth hospital but i did an MRI in Paragon. when the report was out, i went to see the doc with the films. what turned up on the film sort of shocked me. it showed that my 4th disc protruded out and is pressing on my nerves. in additon, my 12th bone showed signs of being crushed. therefore, the doc recommened that i be downgraded and wrote the the MO to request for me to be downgraded.
Saw the MO, and he made me OOT. Sergeant Jin's prediction that i would OOT came true. no more OCS. now just waiting to be posted out and wait for confirmation of me PES status. now i am 'ah gua' soldier. wahaha!

bit20

2006-01-02T04:11:00.000-08:00

i am finally 20. wahahahaa. sound damn old. its 2006. know its a bit late but happy new year to all! may 2006 be a better year for us all.

just went to AMK clinic today. been diagnosed with chronic back pain. oh well, this does not look too good. the GP there recommened a specialist at Mount elizabeth hospital to me. back's been a real bitch the last few weeks. however, i do hope my back'll be better. the pain has been bugging me for a long time ever since i started going to the gym.

2005 has passed. it sure has been a mainly transitional year. it was the year i matured even more and found myself rooted in the army. before i entered the army, a lot of ppl were telling me what the army was like. but i did not believe them. that has all changed tho. haha!!! studying is really the best thing one can do. unbelieveable right? comin from someone like me. but yeah.. its true.

when the cold wind blows

2005-12-25T20:58:00.000-08:00

it's boxing day and i fucking had to do guard duty on christmas. book in on 24th night.. book out on 26th morn. damn screwed up. why i got guard duty? i was on status but too garang and went ahead to train without declaring status. a bit stupid of me too. Christmas was spend doing guard duty in tekong. ARGH!!!!

anyway.. i am now at a crossroad. dont know which path i should take. moral dilemma. firstly, chances are i will fail my A levels. the army has made me realise how much my parents love me and just how much they have done for me. their investment in me has not paid off at all. failing exams and such. there is a possibility for me to be downgraded as my back givin problems again. dun think my back can withstand much more.

however, what my sec comm said to me in an interview also stirred my mind a bit. for details, feel free to msg me. cant really talk too much abt that here.

just 3 weeks in the army has changed my thinking. to my dad and mum, i am really sorry that i did not appreciate my studies. from now on i promise i will do my best ok?

army

2005-12-24T02:15:00.000-08:00

A very Merry Christmas to all my friends. have fun enjoying yrself durin this festive season.
damn.. i got guard duty on Christmas. reason being i had status: excuse running marching jogging. but i din tell my commanders and went to train(tho i did write it down on the board in platoon office). they realised it and decided to punish me. thats why i am serving christmas guard duty. chao chee bye. army sucks.

in the meantime.. back giving me problems once again. wanna be downgraded. wanna re-do my A levels. hai... christmas in tekong. wtf!!!

army

2005-11-30T10:55:00.000-08:00

oh well... its 3am in the morn now. 24 hrs later i will be in tekong. some have asked me: 'why are u going in so early this year? dont u think its too early?' oh... i overweight what. as to the date. i cant complain. after all i am at least one year yet. have had more than enough time to screw ard for the past 2 years.
indeed, i have done nth except screw ard with no aim in mind. army may not be that bad a thing. serious. at the very least i know that i will get to know myself even better.
goodbye to all my friends out there!! will catch up with u all when i book out.

2005-10-24T09:04:00.000-07:00

i am pathetic.

2005-10-16T07:43:00.000-07:00

i just love reading my friends' blog. do u?
allows us to know each other better. or am i being too 'kaypoh'?. oh heck.

idiots

2005-10-09T06:25:00.000-07:00

went for josh sim's 21st birthday last night. great to meet up with sec sch friends once again and making new ones. a big thank you to my sec sch mates (esp joe and josh) for the encouragement. really appreciate it.
at least they don't treat me as an idiot.

prelims

2005-10-07T21:53:00.000-07:00

prelims sucked. i am so screwed. thats it lah. kaput. gone. finish
maths was... truly pathetic. any kind fella out there willing to teach me stats?
oh well. BUT HECK!! I AM NOT GIVING UP!! ONLY SAD S.O.Bs' GIVE UP HALFWAY!!!

Anime

2005-09-26T05:26:00.000-07:00

i love anime. it allows me to indulge in various fantasies. oh heck. back to the real world.

h

2005-09-26T05:22:00.000-07:00

ha.. have not been making make sense of previous posts. period.
just had discussion with dad and mum. high chances of me packing my bags and heading for Aussie after A's. screw SRJC.

hatred

2005-07-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

hatred. i used to be a kid with ideas about school and how A levels will change my life. and so it has. what a foolish person i was. there is no such thing as schools carin for u and such. i used to think that we must respect authority and whats not. anyone say that to me and it will register a laugh in my head. FACT IS this society only recognises those with good grades. those with poor grades can go fuck off. go sell your backside and no one cares. just had a chat with john kuah. me old friend from saint gabs. SP fucked his life not unlike how SR fucked mine up. 3 years in this fucked up society has made me into a fucking cynical beast. cheer up? yeah.. its comin to an end.

dammit. i am balding. SR is bad for your health

lies

2005-07-31T08:36:00.000-07:00

so now u tell me to do whats best for myself. fuck. i did my best not too long ago doing what was best for my future. but u objected so vehemently. what the FUCK IS GOING ON. live in the past? yeah. try getting retained twice. then come talk to me. ni na bei.

Slut

2005-07-31T06:28:00.000-07:00

i am the biggest slut in the world. period. i cant believe that i actually stayed in SR after all the shit that happened in my first year. bloody sons of bitches. i was so fucking desperate to leave. yet u insisted that i did stay cos i do not know what i want. now i pay the price for your oversight despite my obvious and straightforward protests. y cant u accept that i was not cut out for jc. now i pay the price. i so did not want(and stilldo ) to do A levels. cant u see that i do not give a damn... could u not sense the desperation and u pride yrself on yr 'ability to make decisions'. when u force someone to do what he hates and particularly when i now hate everything, do u think i could really even pass?
there is too much ill-feeling and hate. my mind has no space for what u told me to do and u knew it. yet i had no choice. why? why? why? and now u have the cheek to say i had my choice. pile of bullshit. have never felt so useless before.

hate. anger. desperation. sense of worthlessness. wrath. insanity. loss of will to live. death. liberty.

no wonder people commit suicide.

death awaits all of us. no point living longer eh?

no one understands.

2005-07-29T05:58:00.000-07:00

no one understands. give u guys a piece of advice. dun listen to nobody.

Repeat students are not stupid

2005-07-22T23:24:00.000-07:00

Repeat students are not stupid.

It has been more than a year since i repeated jc1. oh well. it was not unexpected. i did not study at all. its unlike others who claim they did not study. till now i am still amazed by my totally heck care attitude. bad results.. is one thing. others who gt similar results got promoted. unfortunately i was back s*** by some bitch and bastards.

A continuation from my earlier post. Singaporeans are only concerned about your grades and not your sense of morality or the strength of your character. People in this small island care only about your results and judge you based on your results. Till this day i am treated as an idiot by some people. ok. my results may suck but that does not mean i am dumb. likewise u may be gettin good grades. when i say something u do not have to doubt me all the time u get it you bitch? i dare say i am pretty well read. dun agree? then fuck off. (not politically correct but too bad). Also, i may not be that brilliant. but i know what's going on ard me. dun try to play games. fuck u.

the above paragraph was done in a hurry and has a large extent of bias. sue me. will improve quality of future posts tho.

Singaporeans are Stupid

2005-07-22T23:10:00.000-07:00

Singaporeans are a stupid bunch. Period. to support my stand, let me present my arguments and what leads me to this conclusion.
Flashback: december 2004 my family and i went to china for a holiday. As with package tours the tour guide brought us to many places for good 'bargains' and 'official factories commisioneed by the PRC'. and so we went. one of the places we went was this silk factory in suzhou. yes the very place where the gah men lost billions in that fateful Indus***** P**K. Singaporeans did not learn the lessons.
Well.. my fellow countrymen were so captivated by the silk blankets on show. it's supposed to keep u cool on warm days and warm on cool days. it sounds even better than the air conditioner. the drawback? a cool 1200 Sing dollars for those darn blankets. there were some ppl who grabbed these blankets by the dozen. Serious. Singaporeans where's your economic sense? dudes... if u really want a blanket that will keep u cool. why not just take off your clothes or just discard the darn blanket. Singaporeans are SO SMART. thats why we get cheated so easily. Getting a good education does not mean u are smart. period. those who were in my tour group were not your average ah kow or ah huay. some were graduates, one even doing law. Amazing. i no longer trust singaporeans when it comes to managing your dollar.

disillusioned

2005-06-27T09:19:00.000-07:00

i have been thinking a lot since i entered srjc. true enough i feel (as i have for months) that i am not academically inclined. i hate school. fucking struggling to comprehend the shit that is taught in the LTs. seriously, i believe(and proven) that i am wasting my time in srjc and will be better off studying on my own. period. as of today, i have decided that i will no longer follow the school's timetable and plans but to go on my own. after all, me grades are still like fuck and i have no wish to associate myself with this fucked up school any longer.

with this i can safely conclude that morale is at it's lowest ebb. this is not how it should be. anyone got any suggestions on how to improve grades?

whiny

2005-06-18T13:10:00.000-07:00

ok... been a bit whiny of late. but yeah. sounds... so... weak. but hell. anyway prelim's round the corner. gotta get mugging again. juz a few more months. i pray for the strength needed to get me thru this crisis. and i will do the best i can on my part. yep!! EXPLODE!

My Pain

2005-06-06T06:27:00.000-07:00

sorry guys... sound damn emotional. but those are the feelings swirling in my mind 24/7...

Studies

2005-06-06T06:02:00.000-07:00

just had chat with my former poly classmates. Pam's going to Chem engin in NUS and a few others going to Enviromental Engin and some to applied Chem. glad for all those who will be going in. for those who did not.. its okay man! who says uni degree is a pre requisite for success?

have been feeling like this for a long time. i truly regret leaving ngee ann. my worst mistake ever. people have always asked my why did i leave? i can only say things like 'i din like the course' and 'i want a dgree' as reasons. but truly.. there are several other factors. my parents have never approved of my going to study in a poly. and they did apply pressure on me to give up. sounds like excuses? maybe. its up to u to decide.

i feel ashamed that i was so easily swayed by their thoughts and comments. then again the sigmund of 3-4 years ago is so different from the one today. it can be said that i have wasted some 2 years compared to my peers. on hindsight it is a good price to pay. i have truly learned life's lesson and how important things like mental strength and the need to fight for your rights and wants. seriously i did not think myself as weak, i thought myself capable. but the truly strong ones are those who know what they want and are willing to fight for what they want.

now, i know myself better than i have ever had and i also have a clearer picture of what human relations and the outside world is like. this time, i am more confident of overcoming the obstacles that stand in my way. however, the pain of losing so much of my youth saddens me. i feel drained at best, clutching at the shadows of my peers who have passed me by. my friends and good friends have all moved on with me stuck in the abyss of A levels. the memory haunts me.

till this day i have never really got over these troubled years. some say that teengage years in secondary school are the most problematic as teens are rebellious. the problem for me was that i was too nice a boy, the listen-to-parents type. this has killed me. fuck. but hey? if i were strong enough i would have stood my ground. as i watch naruto i cant help feeling that i can be better. this encourages me as i also understand the pain of being alone. thats y i like naruto so much. altho others dismiss it as a story but the pain of being alone is true and the most torturous. then again i am no longer alone. i have good friends now.

people like joel josh sk and all my friends have come into my life and brought colours to it. this i thank you.to all of my friends out there. thank you for being a part of my life!

at times i am left to lament at what could have been. i remember confiding in one of my poly lecturers once that i was unhappy. and she told me to believe in myself as i have what it takes to excel in chem engin. Now, 3 years on my morale and heart is at an all time low. admittably i am struggling with my studies and with a big lack of faith.

but hey! i have excelled in my studies before and will do it again! hell yeah!!! who has receievend 300 bucks from edusave before hur? (tho there are tons of ppl out there who have).

my soul... it feels as tho some part of it was shorn off these past 2 years in sr. i need to rebuild it. but first, i desperately want good grades. then, i can get a good course and then after grad will be able to catch up with my peers. i care not about the 87s.. cos they are not the ones whom i have competed against for such a long time. i want to beat the 85s... thats my new reason for existence. in hindsight, i think the only way to absolve my feelings is to start where it all began. chemical engineering. i want to do that now. but that requires v.good grades. i wish to talk to further but let my actions do the talking.

sorry guys. a bit whiny here. but these are the kinda feelings and emotions that i face every minute of this fucked up life. will try to be more cheeful nxt posts.

bad mood

2005-06-04T07:05:00.000-07:00

again self explanatory. that all.

Support

2005-06-04T07:03:00.001-07:00

i am now alone. i dun need your help. yes you... fuck off!

Support

2005-06-04T07:03:00.000-07:00

All i want is to be left alone

2005-06-04T06:55:00.000-07:00

pretty self-explanatory. all i want is to be left alone. IS THAT HARD HUR???? is it really that hard to let me leave the kind of life i want? i just want to be able to choose the way i live. we
humans have only 1 life. why bend my lifesyle to YOUR ideal life that u think is good for me? do u really think i will be happy that way? fuck you! i hate my present life. Now, i am clear about what i want. i want to do well so that i can have MY own HOME. free from other's restrictions and need not conform to others' standards as to how u shld live. yes... thats my goal.
the relentless pursuit for my own choices. so easy to choose for others. but not for me.

pissed

2005-06-04T06:54:00.000-07:00

Writing style

2005-05-28T08:41:00.000-07:00

been experimenting with some writing styles here. do give feedback. for blogging will use a more informal style like now something more personal. the other would be the lit way. can give comments abt which styles u guys prefer? or should i even do it essay-like??

long weekend

2005-05-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

Its a hard day's night and i've been working like a dog. NAH. slackin the whole day. watched the movie Farenheit 9/11 by Michael Moore. after watching it, i finally realised why he got the award for most inspiring film of the year. i would def recommend it to anyone out there who has time to catch a movie. rather watch this stuff than say Kingdom of Heaven which kinda sucked. Orlando Bloom shld juz play an elf forever shooting arrows. he's too much of a pretty boy to be playing a leader
i mean. would u be inspired if asked to fight for a guy who looks too.... sissy? honestly he did not manage to pull off the role. A character like that would require someone else like say Russell Crowe?
enough of kingdom of heaven. today had BF games today. kicked some ass with artillery rounds but got my ass kicked in 1942. nvm... i will do better nxt time. woo hoo! june hols comin... now i will have time to catch up on some reading.. haha. i think something's wrong. i spend much more time reading than studying. Granted, reading has broadened my horizons and i dare say i know more than many people. Then again, the purpose of enrolling in a jc is to get good A level results.
If i continue this trend. i will DIE damn badly. well well... gotta shelve the reading aside mate. get down to solid studying. i reckon if i study as hard as i used to hit balls in the range and the time i spend reading... who knows? i could jolly well do better.

update

2005-05-27T06:58:00.000-07:00

seriously.. i cant think of what to write when i am in front of the com. hm... ok. well... an update on my personal life. how great. juz came back from meet-the-parents session. waited damn bloody long - 1 hr 15mins to see Loh for barely 5 mins. well, at least she din bitch me unlike some other screwed up tutors in Super Raffles Junior College. so she said what all tutors will say.. work harder blah blah... she suggested group study. so.. group study anyone? sian...
anyway.. june is fast approaching. i COMMIT myself to studying harder. dun want to fail too badly.
doing well in A levels.. that is every jc student's ultimate aim... as i ponder over the last 2 years i feel it flowing away from my grip very much like how water sifts through our fingers. as i clutch desperately at the water=A levels i soon realise that it is getting further away. my mind swirls in a cloud of encroaching darkness, a bitter chill runs through my bones. the tangible emotions of sadness and frustration engulf me washing me over like how a tidal wave pounds a beachfront. i could almost taste the bitter pill of disappointment. Ah!! the agony the pain is too much to bear. Tragedy beckons. i could almost taste it. some say that before you die all the memories in your life will flask past you. now, i see the happy images of my then 5-year-old self waving back at me. so innocent so happy so carefree. to the secondary school me and then finally the jc sigmund. i could see my heart. it feels so cold and hard. why? why?
breathing grows difficult. i could feel my soul draining out of me. i am losin my senses. time to go to the dark.. to heaven or to hell. goodbye everyone... this is our final goodbye. bye for now. i am sick of Super Raffles. KISS MY ASS!!!!

okay. that was pretty nonsensical. well guess cos i really dunno what to blog abt. anyway will treat future blogs more of essay types. look forward to more boring stuff.

New skin

2005-05-22T10:21:00.000-07:00

okay just changed the blogskin. its 1.21am and i am still awake thnx to the effects of caffeine at coffee bean. for the record juz nw went for wai gang family's bbq with kelvin and gang's bbq(duh!!).. but.. cow couldnt make it. gastric flu. hope he gets well soon. btw thnx gang for askin me along.
argh... friday's meet the parents night. i hate to admit it. but i screwed up big time for mid years. kinda asked for it tho slacking all the way. and i am not even havin fun. from now on i pledge to play hard and study hard. as for now... slack first?

erm.. first post

2004-10-12T07:01:00.000-07:00

well... been slacking ard the last two days. slackin big time and indulging in the delights that comes along with computer technology. been plenty of time wasting.. will blog more in future tho...